Wedding toasts

My sister gets married tomorrow and I have been trying to write my wedding toast for 22 months (long engagement I know).

I was finally able to never mind that it was at 5 o clock this morning...

I’m Cynthia Faires and I’m Lndz’s older sister. I would like to start be saying welcome Blankeneu and Faires Family and friends and on behalf of Lindsey and Evan than you all for braving the weather and coming for their special day.

What do you say, I have done this before but I only have one sister. One chance to give her away. This day is hers a celebration of who she was, who she is, and who she will become. I consider myself the resident expert on who she was… I have known her since the day she was born I guess mom and dad Mrs. Bettye and Grandma also can say that too. . . But here is some of what I remember about who Lindsey was. I don’t think anyone will disagree with me that LNDZ has always been mischievous. She had a sort of radar for Christmas presents she always found them wherever mom and dad hid them. She has never been afraid to speak her mind. We went to a restaurant once that had that special you know kids under four eat free. Well mom and dad didn’t object when the waitstaff assumed LNDZ was younger than that. Until an indignant little five year old voice bellowed “MOM AND DAD I CAN’T believe all you care about is free food, HOW HUMILIATING! “

For a good portion of her 21 years she has been the RUNT of the Faires family. I think that mentality fits her too she is scrappy! Used to hand-me-downs and making the best of any situation but she has come into her own and she is today a Faires Woman in her own right.

I am sad that I don’t get to be a part of her daily life now because we are all so far apart. I’m not an expert on LNDZ today But I am learning that all the best things about you are better. You are more like mom than I think you realize. You have her kind and giving, selfless spirit and your definitely more domestic than me! I am only learning who you are today but I am so proud of you and who you are.

In the future I know you will be great things, a wife, a lawyer, a mother. You are up to handling it all. You are used to being the Runt and doing the best with what you have I can only imagine those are good qualities to have as a wife! You have always been able to speak up and I am sure that will serve you well in law school and in your chosen profession and You have experience being the mischievous one so you will have a leg up on your kids!

Lndz mom and dad and I am so proud of you. We are so happy you found someone to complete you to support you and to love you. Evan is one of the most attentive men I have ever met. I mean he does laundry and dishes! You gotta hold onto this one.

LNDZ and evan on your special day I wish you

Warmth in the winter,

Love that never ends

When things get hard I wish you laughter to get through it

And When things are good I wish you luck to make all your dreams come true.

People of walmart

My New Favorite website... www.peopleofwalmart.com

Poem, prose and Pruritis

When I am running, I practice the art of meditation in an attempt to zone out. I really value this time. Sometimes I use it to study, review.  It is easy to meditate on worrisome things but instead meditate on the inspirational, the good. like this a friend posted it today

The Impossible Dream

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true 
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star

~Man of La Mancha

In Response to Linda

After reading a friend's blog I was spurred to write my own. Having lived with a younger sister and then roommates in college I was scared to live by myself and then by a series of unfortunate events I found myself living alone for the first time about two years ago now. It was the most unexpected growth exercise I have gone through in my adult life. I became more substantial as I person. Read Books, Burned candles, listened to songs on repeat. I learned that I have weird tendencies like insomniac baking and fashion shows of things I find in the back of my closet. 

As an effect of living alone I would prefer watch movies or even TV alone. I am more confident. I take longer to get ready. And treasure long phone calls with friends who are far. But to be fair I also probably eat more, dance worse (no one's watching). 

I think it is something that is undervalued these days. I know girlfriends who have never done it and while I am sure they are happy, I think there is something to be said for being thrust into a new and uncomfortable position and having to rise to the occasion. Be your own entertainment, and become a person of substance. 

Another effect of living alone. I will be so thankful to have a male roommate one day soon... Because then he can lift all the heavy stuff, get the bowls that I never use off the top shelf and screw all the screws into the wall to hang curtains and shelves. 

Rain Rain go away

So today my boss called me "laid back." She said it in an evaluation of me but not in a derogatory sense. It was the first time I think anyone has ever called me that and it felt good. I am laid back. I try to be drama free the only thing is that most days I feel like I do more than most people I know. . . but I think I do that just to keep from being bored. I think I am going to scale back though and just be even more calm. Why should life be stressful? 

A day in the life- Pa Student

So today I wiped a strangers ass from the inside... Well correction it wasn't a stranger it was my cadaver's... but still. Good thing for gloves. 

Also, I almost lost faith in God yesterday. I was looking at some pictures from a lecture on fetal neurodevelopment and *all melodramatics aside* I saw the horrific things that can happen when neural tubes don't close or the skull and telecaphalon don't develop. It is sad. sad sad. Y are there things like that in the universe. I was thinking about that on the way to work this morning and it hit me. The frequency of these are like .5-1/1000 births. But it could be much higher... maybe that is God's grace. There have been alot of things about human anatomy and physiology to make me believe we are fearfully and wonderfully made but yesterday was one of those days where the belief was that the universe was just a random collision of shit. (no pun intended!)

Pa School

I was talking with my sig. other last night about Pa school and he said very wisely that he thought the most important thing to learn from it was how to look things up and know where to go for things because no Dr (or PA) could be expected to know everything. He is so wise and very encouraging, however something about this struck me as disharmonious. That is not really what PA school is about. PA school is about orienting to the Medical culture its ethics, rules (which I think we will get more in the fall with our clinical experiences and classes) but also and moreso this summer about learning the basics-- the alphabet or vocab of medicine. If you don't know what the Ventral Medial Thalamic Nucleus is you could go to wiki and look it up in but that would be like a writer looking up the meaning of the word "the" or not understanding basic grammar rules. You have to know the schemas of anatomy and physiology that things fit into so you have a body (metaphorically and actually speaking) to put all your questions on.  

I think that is what PA school is. Learning the big picture of the human body and its inner workings. Yes the little things like the orientation of muscles in the hand and what innervates them can be looked up, but everything must be at least learned and forgotten at one point so that there is an appreciation for material. 

I think my man is sweet, sweet and so wise but I think he got this one a little wrong. 

TOday

Today is my birthday. 23 years ago today I was born. What am I doing? I am sitting in a private study room in a library. I was here about 7 this morning too. I am so tired I want to go to sleep but I am scared if I do I'll miss the test I have been literally cramming for. This is my life now. it is miserable. But why? haha because I spent the whole weekend in Florida while my good, scholarly classmates (who are going to make A's on this test) studied. Here is a picture to cheer myself up. Life isn't about making A's. I just have to keep telling myself that. 

Decisions

So I am having trouble, I am trying to figure out where I am going to move when my lease is up... I have obligations all over the metroplex it feels like... or at least in the central north and west portions of it! I donno if I can take the leap of moving to Arlington and being closer to Will. A huge part of me just wishes I could stay where I am now in my apt/the ghetto! But I have to move somewhere (we have already given our notice) so the problem still exists of where. Closer to school (logical but it is not the best area) in the middle between school and work (but i don't know how long I will continue working) or arlington (where the support system is)... 

I'm in a pickle.

First Test Down!!

So i can breathe now. I feel like every waking moment the past week has been either work, school, studying, or driving to and fro. I am looking forward to seeing Will again :) 

I am going over tonight to have dinner with his fam. I was instructed to bring peaches so we can make peach cobbler yumm!! so I got to go to one of my favorite places in Dallas the Farmer's market. It is open daily 8-6 (be jealous!) I needed tomatoes too so I stopped by my usual stall and was greeted by its owner a very articulate little hispanic woman. She wouldn't let me leave with out onions and a little watermelon in addition to my tomatos haha! I left smiling from ear to ear though. I love people who love their jobs and are very engaging! 

So maybe I will impress Will's mom tonight with my amazing abilities to procur produce... what other qualities could she want for her son! 

Cadaver slides

So something sad occured to me today when we were looking at slides of brains in Neuro today. Those were people. It was a little creepy and emotional for a little bit. We saw a picture of a stroke patient's brain and this young woman's brain who had had an aneurysm and the Lecturer (nice guy) was talking about how they came in presenting certain symptoms and it was sad to know that he knew these people or at least had seen them before he saw the inside of them you know? 

It was weird and humbling that we get the opportunity to learn like this. 

Also, I am strangely calm I feel like compared to others in my class... I remember before in school being very high strung and I don't really have that battle now. I am glad and very content with where I am in life. It is a great feeling. Not to feel like I know it all but to feel calm and happy and not frantic all the time. 

On a side note my phone is dead. I will hopefully get a new one tonight so that I can rejoin the world of att but I am cool about that too. I once saw that as a lifeline... now I guess my comp and this wireless internet connection has taken my nokia's place. haha. 

I see Rach and linda in not very long! wohoo. Can't wait like 3 weeks! 

PA school

So the verdict is in... LIKE! After the first official day of classes I am thinking I like this. 

Weird thought for the day:

Membranes are the reason we have life. They are the coolest thing in the world. :) 

First day (Last)

Here I am with my name badge... Yes I do look retarded... but wohoo first day over and classes start tomorrow... My first test is T-7 days. Thats right by next Wednesday I am theoretically going to know enough for a Neuroscience test. The rat race has begun. But seriously it was good.

...

I'm nervous about tomorrow... It is my last(maybe) first day of school. I used to stay up real late/all night before on the night before the first day because I was nervous, apprehensive. Even just saying it makes it a lil better though. we shall see. 

Today

Ok the kitchen still has ants... I am about to go postal with that whole thing. However the day is not a total lost. Much to my checkbooks despair I have been eating out like everymeal because I cannot stomach eating in the kitchen. HA. but I did try out Enstein Bros Bagels this morning. Delicious! It was breakfast and then lunch because that Bagel was filling! 

My first kiddo brought me starbucks! haha. Yum! 

So countdown till school starts? 6 days ahh! still not really excited about that but I am hoping I will be after our meet and greet on Friday. 

Good things about today so far:

-- Apple Crunch bagels 

--paying $3.45 for breakfast and Lunch

--having a male friend that will drive 45 mins to help you keep your sanity 

-- vanilla lattes

--free internet at work

--shopping trip to Nordstrom rack! (but not buying anything which at this point is even better!) 

I'll keep you posted! 

Ants

So I came home yesterday to an ant graveyard in my kitchen...

Here is the play by play. There have been ants in the kitchen for a couple of days, I attributed it to the rain and stupid Texas and put out poison but didn't tell Em that it was sugar based so she freaked out and cleaned all the poison up.(UG!) (Sorry if your reading this Em, But this has been a trying time!) Apartment people came and killed all the ants (well not all) but then they were all dead and still everywhere.... ahh! 

So when I got home from work at 8 pm last night I was overwhelmed, to say the least. My solution? Get a couple glasses of wine in me and clean the kitchen of all the dead bodies (in my normal cleaning getup) (Victoria Secret Style). 

Today there are still live ants in the kitchen and I donno what to do. I am just going to forget I have a kitchen until Winter and think seriously about moving away from Texas in two years when I can! 

The secret window

So I let myself go somewhere emotionally that I had been afraid to. I thought "what if." It was like pulling off the bandaid (sp) or maybe just touching a bruise to see if it still hurts... It didn't :) 

Do you have to title posts?

This is me right now, Enjoying my Mac, Tea, and afternoon at starbucks done early with work... all I need are friends to share it with... I am taking applications... the starbucks is on Preston road and Plano Parkway. Come now! 

I just cried while watching Grey's Anatomy... it has been I while since that's happened

Today

So i just bought my first two textbooks for PA school, no turning back now I guess.... haha. I am still very apprehensive. I don't want to give up my comfortable, low key life. I want to strive to keep it as mellow as possible. 

Yoga boot camp today. 8-4 yoga. Intense. 8 wheels in a row. It is amazing how tough you are when you have to be trapped inside your own body. I didn't think I ever had will power.

Two of my favorite poses (that I'm sure I don't look as good as these people doing) are one legged wheel and side crow) 

I am working toward being able to do Eight Angle

Farmer's Market trip scheduled for tomorrow on my list; blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, tomatoes, jalepanos, (i want to make pie and salsa), jicama.

I should have done laundry today :( instead I slept when I got home from yoga I was so dead!

:(

I'm in a funk. Today was less than great at work. My kids are doing horribly in life, school, and I can't help but think that it is because I am a failure at being their trainer... 

also, I am getting increasingly freaked out about the fact that I am about to be in alot of school debt and possibly mortgage debt and I have no idea where I am going to live in like 3 months. I hate change and moving and I am so stressed about it all... I feel like everyone knows pieces but that there is no one that can be like ok you will be ok. this will all work out. Is that what being an adult is all about the fact that there is no one there to tell you that? 

and to top it all off I can't watch the Big bang theory online. What is up with that? CBS seriously get with the times! 

Things I love

- Farmer's markets

- Fresh flowers sending and receiving them 

- Good friends who would do anything for you, I am blessed to have more than one so I said Friends

- making things with my hands

- being in control, I also love not having to be in control (I like the latter more)

- being independent

- Giving

- independently owned businesses

-being environmentally minded (i'm sad to say i used to think this was a crock/waste of mental energy)

-truly knowing others 

Is it weird that I have come to value all of these things more recently and I think I am a better person because of it. . .? 

I would love to know what you love (see the last item on the list) 

Lately

work has been my life, I love it though. But sorry that I haven't called, email, facebooked, or otherwise. 

Thoughts...

Driving home... I thought

1. It is sweet when five year olds give you compliments.

2. I was reading my journal last night and couldn't help but think why did I stay in a bad relationship for so long? (I'm really happy now though)

3. I am beginning to have a love affair with cooking. 

4. I used to like eggs scrambled and now I like them sunny side up. 

that is all for now I guess... 

My thoughts today with regards to Produce

So these are some beautiful flowers that I got for $10 at the Dallas Farmer's Market. They were a beautiful addition to the kitchen table, but they made me homesick for the Fayetteville FM. It was definitely more small town than here. I can't complain though. Blueberries, Strawberries, Raspberries, and Brussel sprouts were my other purchases. :) I'll be going back open daily 8-6!
So I love Wal Mart don't get me wrong. I don't think anyone who has lived in NWA can have a beef with them. However, today I go to the store to buy bananas to make homemade banana pudding for a friend and all they have are unripe bananas. Green! and this is a selling point for them. The sign said not ripe for your convenience... and if you want them ripe sooner put them in a bag with an apple and they will be ripe tomorrow... first of all what about all the people that get a hankerin for a banana and go to walmart... they are shit out of luck. apparently. As someone who doesn't really like bananas I don't really care except in instances like tonight where Walmart screws with me!! 

Since Dec.

So this actually hasn't been since Dec but I love this pic and wanted to see if I could download picts onto my blog... 

I have been really struck lately by how other people's pain affects me. I become like a sponge and soak it up. Maybe in a attempt to empathize, take some of theirs away... seem more appropriate in my love or gesturing towards them. . . or maybe because its this weird sadistic thing about me.