Christmas Craft.

I found this craft online at Martha Stewart.com. When I found out a needed on the few presents for extended family I kicked into gear. No sew bag. All you need is fabric, iron on vinyl, duct tape, stapping, and a stapler. Super easy to make!
Please excuse the pj's I have been too busy crafting to get dressed this morning!

Shameful

The only way I can post this in good conscience is knowing that you will enjoy this in the privacy of your own home. With your spouse.

Replay. It's catchy.

Cakeballs

After making them a couple times I finally perfected my skills. Jedi Cakeball makers beware.



Cakeballs like most everything in the pastry world are an undertaking to create. But the result is these cute lil bits of yumminess that my husband (and more importantly) Mother in law can't get enough of. What have I done!

By the way if you want my tips on making them flawlessly message me.

Reflections are always better in Blog Form

As an assignment for our Psychiatric Rotation we had to go to an AA meeting and write about our experience, our thoughts. I had never been to anything like this before so I guess what I was expecting was all from movies. I expected a circle with 5 or 6 people sitting around drinking coffee and sharing their stories. I was surprised to walk into a crowded room with probably 75 people sitting in rows that faced forward like a church or assembly meeting. The meeting was standing room only, and there was piping hot coffee, the smell filled the room. The meeting started and someone got up to share her story. The whole meeting was one lady sharing her testimony of what she called "what her life was like then, what happened and how it is now." The meeting really reminded me of church, except without the Hymns. It was a group of people who shared a common goal: Sobriety. They were relying on each other for strength and being very real about their struggles. I felt like on outsider. But I guess that was because I did not share their same struggle.

After going to an AA meeting, I worked my shifts at the Psych ER and there I met a patient whose life had been torn apart by alcohol. He was 49, but he looked twenty years older. His wife had left him and he had two grandchildren he could not see. He was trying to quit and presented to us after suffering from horrible withdrawal symptoms. He had been drinking 15 beers a day since he was 13. His kidneys were failing, too. He so badly wanted help and rehabilitation. I have frequently heard the statement but it was this patient that made me realize that alcoholism is a disease. I think resources like AA would obviously be a long way in this man's future but I hope he gets there. I hope one day he is at an AA meeting standing up celebrating his sobriety day, with his family and friends around him.

There are so many resources like social worker, drug and alcohol therapists, and abuse counselors that I was introduced to on my rotation in Psychiatry. I was so amazing to see them all in action working to help rehabilitate patients. I had this idea that most of the time when someone walked into the ER they must be having the worst day of their lives but most people I encountered in the Psych ER where just living another day. Some didn't have family, friends, or even an emergency contact. I am glad that I got a glimpse of all the resources that are out there in the fields of social work and drug and alcohol counseling so that I can make it available to my patients. There is so little time in one appointment or one ER visit to do things like keep someone accountable for their alcoholism and these tools are necessary to give people as they start to rebuild their lives.

Phone "Christmas" Tree

I love blogging and having my friends blog because it is a virtual way to catch up.

However, ! I miss talking on the phone with you (and you, and you). I am always jealous of Mr. because most of the people who are close to him are here within a 30 minute drive. All my friends are (successfully :) scattered all over the nation Arkansas, Nashville, Indiana. I would love to fly all over the country and see all of you for the holidays. Or better yet invite you all to fly in to an awesome party at my house! But we are not millionaires ... I know the holidays are hectic but I would love to just talk for a couple minutes and see what your year has been like and how you are doing. I understand that it may have to be after the new year!

That is what I have been thinking lately. I am going to attempt to call cause I would love to reconnect. That is my Christmas Wish!

Christmas Season!

I am getting in the christmas spirit. I am making christmas cookies for the neighbors
Here is my before:


And the after: (I couldn't get the icing to turn black for the faces so I had to use orange... weird huh?)


Lastly this is for Mr's Office party tomorrow. He requested cakeballs and said "just something easy..." Yea right. I hope the office likes em...

A gift for Nayeli

A friend of mine is having a baby. A sweet little baby girl due in February. This has been a while in the making inspired by another friend's recent thread bending.



All I need to to now is add the buttons. Then I will be ready for the next friend to get pregnant... any takers? ? ?

Psychiatry in Review

I spend my Pseudo last day on Psych in-patient today. (my Dr. is off tomorrow so it was my last day with him and my next to last day on the unit). I have enjoyed this rotation so much more than I anticipated. I enjoy the work. I enjoy seeing patients and knowing them in a more in depth way than other medical rotations.

I feel like most people go into medicine because they want to spend their life in service to others making other people's lives better. Sometimes I think in other aspects of medicine it is easy to appear (to the patient or the outside world) like we, practitioners, spend our life interpreting lab values, prescribing expensive medication, running tests, bearing bad news. But in Psychiatry you get to know someone. You get to feel with them the darkest moments of their life, things they try to keep secret from everyone else. You go with the patient on a journey (sometimes extremely painful) toward wellness. You sit in the pain. And then you work to move the patient through it. It is amazingly gratifying to see the whole process. For the first time in my medical career I really feel like a healer. I feel like a listener, I feel like I go to work everyday and see people on the worse days of their lives and help them get better.

I see myself in almost all of my patients. A woman came in after a suicide attempt and she was an upper middle class lady who immediately regretted her decision to seek help. She felt she did not really want to hurt herself therefore she did not need psychiatric treatment. But when she started talking about her sleeplessness, lack of energy, and her lack of appetite that were crippling her, she was moved to tears and decided she really did want help.

I also was able to witness the course of a man who was catatonic, unable to move at times due to his bipolar disorder, and through his ECT treatments became mobile, resumed grooming himself, even laughed with me today while talking about his grandchildren. It is a beautiful thing.

Treating people's UTI's, and telling a kid's mom that his behavior is normal four year old behavior is nice but bringing someone out of such a dark place is powerful.

I feel truly blessed to have had this opportunity to be at the wonderful hospital that I am at working with the amazing team of doctors and nurses that I worked with. I will never forget my time there.

Thanksgiving Fun!

Food!


Sister and Bro came in along with Mom It was wonderful!

My Trip

This was a picture of us in Progresso Mexico. With our big boat in the background!


Here is us in Cozemel. I don't know what Puerta Maya means... or why it doesn't say Cozemel...


This was me in my favorite place on the ship: The adult deck. It had cushy chairs, a steady flow of alcohol, and it was the perfect place to curl up with a good book.


I missed Mr. and he says he missed me too so much so that he said he couldn't sleep without me (Translated: I loved staying up all night to play video games while you were gone) :)

Bon Voyage!

Pediatrics-- check
Test--check
Library -- check!
Bank -- check!
Target --Check!
Liquor store --check check!

Monday I am off on a cruise with some class mates. Exciting for sure ...if only I could just get motivated to pack! Really I would be done now if I could just transport my middle bedroom to the boat... ahhh!!!

Maybe I need a Cynthirita to get me moving!

Pediatrics in Review

I had a wonderful time on my pediatrics rotation. I was able to learn and do so much. I have always been fond of working with children and I had wondered if I could ever do Pediatrics as a career. This rotation was really a fun experience and a good opportunity to see if I could see myself doing Pediatrics in the future.

One of the awesome things about the clinic I worked in was that I became comfortable working with newborn babies all the way up to 18 year olds. I would not say that I have a favorite age group; I like the differences between all ages. The first week while I was doing mostly shadowing, I was reluctant to touch and handle the newborns. However, by the end of the rotation I was able to elicit all the reflexes and handle the babies confidently with ease. The toddler age range was fun because they were inquisitive and so cute but the challenge with a toddler was the physical exam. Getting a throat culture on a screaming 2-3 year old is not easy! The first child I helped hold for an ear irrigation was horrible. Even though he hugged us on the way out when we gave him his ring pop I thought I was going to have nightmares of screaming children. However, by the end of the rotation, I think I tuned out the crying! If I had to pick an age group that is my favorite it may have to be the 8 year olds. They are super historians, and they don’t mind telling you about their bowel movements. You just have to have a good ear for confabulation! I had my share of teenage patients too. My strategy there was appeal to their reason and when all else fails appeal to their sense of what’s cool.

I had a lot of great learning experiences so it is hard to try and think of a couple that stand out for this essay. One of my proudest moments was when I identified my first ear infection. One of my favorite opportunities I was given was to do a circumcision. One of my most memorable patients was a boy with an incurable disease whom we were just managing symptoms. One of my favorite duties was reassuring parents that their child’s poop, feeding, eyes, weight, penis were all normal or variations of normal and that they were doing a good job. It was a fun job. Never being a parent myself, I couldn’t empathize with the mothers of three who came in looking like pack mules with all their diaper bag paraphernalia, baby powder on their pants and children who could hardly stay in the patient room but I enjoyed helping them out by telling them what to do about a sick kid, or that their child’s ear infection was resolving. I enjoyed pediatrics. It was a wonderful rotation.

Wedding Pictures!

They are finally done and they are beautiful. There are tons of them so if you get tired (you won't hurt my feelings, i had to look at them in stages and they are my pictures) the friends and family section is the best.

My ideal diet

Breakfast


Lunch


Dinner

Trunk er Treat!

Halloween was always my favorite holiday as a kid. My mom would ask us months in advance and she would handmake our costumes. We were awesome things like Disney princesses with custom made gowns. It makes me sad when people say that Halloween is a pagan thing that Christian children shouldn't celebrate because to me Halloween was about dressing up and getting candy by the handfuls.

Our church this year asked us to do a Trunk for their Trunk 'r Treat festival. I wanted to post ideas on the blog because their weren't alot of ideas when I went looking.


Our Theme was Dr. Frankenstein's Lab! I was Dr. Frankenstein, and Mr. was my Monster.


We had lots of hidden little funny things like we put a miniature pumpkin in a cage and said we shrunk it in our lab. We also took leftover wine bottles and labeled with "Fresh Squeezed Beetlejuice" and "Poison Ivy."

We had a can of squash relish that looked kinda weird and we labeled that "Lunch 1912"

Here is a picture of Mr. and Dillinger. We should have decked her out in a costume ... next year! We took her along because we thought she would enjoy the activity, Jo Jo was jealous but he was too big!


Halloween Fun!

ugh!!

So I'm officially a housewife... in the sense that I am in desperate need of a man to bail me out of a situation!

I am getting ready to go have lunch with a friend. We have two bathrooms at our house and normally my getting ready regimen involves walking between the two because the one in the master is where I shower and the guest is where I have all my girly getting ready for the day stuff is. All the stuff Mr. doesn't tolerate making his manly bathroom cluttered. That's all well and good except when. . . I lock myself out of the guest bathroom. The knob is finicky and sometimes it just shuts and locks a freaking scary feeling when you are inside and a major inconvenience when you are outside. Mr. knows the magical gestures/incantations to make the door open but I have never paid any attention, actually most of the time I just say an expletive under my breath and wait until he gets home to fix it. But today I am in desperate need of DEODORANT and eye makeup to make up for the fact that I look like a zombie. A hair product would be nice but at this point I just want sweat protection!! aww. I put out an email for help. Too ashamed to call and have one of his co-workers hear him explaining to me how to open the door. Plan B if he doesn't answer is to take a bobby pin to the lock but I just don't want to jam it (I have had this experience with handcuffs... no S&M stuff I promise just your everyday run in with handcuffs... that is a story for another blog post. anyway) aww.... I can feel myself starting to sweat. I need deodorant *contemplates using Mr.'s what the Hell I will give plan B a try....

Presto Chango--- It worked I am in to the land of pink and purple and Chi and blush. Thank you bobby pin! I am not the desperate housewife I am MacGyver in training. Anyway gotta go ...T-32 minutes till lunch date.

Tune in next time for adventures in Cynthia land. hehe. Love you guys!

Sick Day

I never know when I should (rightfully) succumb to my illnesses and call in sick. The people pleaser in me just makes it two (read too) hard. But when you wake up and can hardly talk and just think well I guess I can spend the whole day studying instead of going to the office that is sick! and pathetic.

I hate staying home. The walls start to close in ... so inevitably I will leave the house which I feel is a strict violation of the sick day privileges. Also, I try to be productive, clean, do errands I need to do on a business day and then my "day of rest" turns into a more busy day than if I had just gone to work.

Also, what is the sick day supposed to accomplish. I try to think well thoughts but inevitably the virus/or bacterial in this case illness will probably just run isn't 7-10 day course (I am on day 7 today so here's to hoping 7 day course!).

What I loved was sick days when you are little and that means all day with mom being pampered and watching TV and eating liquid things... As an adult it means you are woken up by your alarm clock which you put on snooze every 10 minutes because you are in too much of a haze to turn it to dismiss, then your husband calls to see how you are and you can barely form words (this is common every day before I have had my coffee but with this sore throat I am even more indistinguishable.) Then you get up put on dress clothes and psych yourself up for another day until... All the head congestion hits and you look at the clock and realize you have snoozed one two (read too.. I'm sick give me a couple typos!) many times and you should be there now. O well change into PJ's and succumb to the beginning of a marvelous sick day. Which must begin with a blog post!

Weekend Fun!

This weekend Lindsey and Evan joined us for a weekend of Keeping up with the Kardashians, Pumpkin carving, cupcake baking, and good times all around.

Teen and Pre Teen Self Esteem Help

I have become accustomed to a certain type of patient and visit. The 9-13 year old girl who is overweight. It breaks my heart because I see alot of myself in this population. I weighted more in the fifth grade then I do now. I was chubby due to the fact that my family valued school and academics more than exercise or playing sports.

It is so hard for me to watch these encounters because the girls are so self conscious and shy about their weight. I need advise: how do you broach the topic of increased exercise and being overweight with a preteen or teenager without making them feel worse about themselves.

Rangers Day!

Today at the clinic it is Ranger day in celebration of the Rangers! What a great clinic! Today for lunch Baseball food!

Our Babies

We have two dogs. Dillinger aka. Booger a Shi Tzu and JoJo aka, the nibbler, a Pitbull (who got his nickname as a result of countless pairs of heels lost :(. They are the old couple for sure. Both were rescue dogs and they are the loves of our life. I have heard before you have children your dogs are your children and that is the case with us. They are so spoiled.

-Jojo and Dillinger both sleep in our bedroom with us because we couldn't bear the thought of making them sleep outside or heaven forbid in the garage in their crates. Dillinger sleeps in our bed sometimes and I thought Jojo should have that option too because it would be unfair otherwise. But Mr. put his foot down. As a result Jojo is content to sleep at the foot of the bed.
-Jojo is our alarm and wake us up at all hours of the night to go see what is in the backyard (couldn't miss the action out there)
-Both get jealous when they are not the complete focus of our attention. ie. when we are studying, sitting on the couch talking.

But we love em!






We almost lost Dillinger last friday night. She got out during the first Rangers vs. Yankees game (we living literally in front of the ballpark) We searched and searched for her. I was so scared she would get run over with all the cars trying to leave in the dark after the game. Finally after hours of searching we found her and brought her home safe and sound.

Thanks Roomie

Some people enter your life through lunch dates/roomate setups. And become lifelong pillars of your life. Through good and bad and ugly. They inspire you to be better, to be yourself, to remember your roots, to be what you want, to be happy.

I love you Roomie Thanks for thinking of me.

P.s. I will have to plan a trip up there soon so I can go to the farmer's market with you!

Live.

I saw a really hard case today in the clinic. A kid who had an incurable neurologic disorder that would leave him senile and is fatal most often by age 12. We can't do anything to stop it's progression or fix it. As if that's not bad enough the mom lost her husband in an accident weeks before she got the diagnosis.

Sad. But ... While I was sad for this family I also knew this child's life was a gift/just like my life is a gift. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by life and worry and I see it as more of a chore than a gift. But last night I had a wonderful peaceful relaxing night with my husband and as I walked out of that room with that family I decided I wanted to live every night like I did last night. So I would have no regrets. We don't know how long we get on this earth, and I don't know how long I will have my husband (hopefully many long years) but I am not guaranteed that and I am going to try and remember that life is a precious gift.

Inspiration

Since I am on rotations I am blessed with a little more of a normal life schedule wise. For this rotation anyway! So I was inspired by Jenny Williams

Unlike Jen, my forte is crochet though so my latest project (I just bought the pattern) is to make a couple pairs of baby booties for a couple of friends who are expecting. I am not posting a picture from the pattern though for fear that will jinks me!

I am sure it will take me a couple of tries to get them as cute as the picture but they are little so how long could they possibly take! (knock on wood) At any rate I have about 7 months left til my friend's D day so I have enough time to perfect my booties!

Excited! Thanks Jen for the inspiration and being so crafty and ingenuitive. You inspire me to be a better housewife, crafter, health professional and person. Love you!

Come to Jesus moment!

I had a Come to Jesus moment yesterday. I was driving (probably 70 miles per hour) on a busy Dallas highway and eating grapes on my way to work from the Gym and I started to choke a little on the grape. I had a lightbulb moment where I was like "o my gosh how stupid would it be if I got in a wreck right now because I was eating a grape/driving/chocked and got in a wreck."

Completely not worth it! So my new mantra is Don't Eat and Drive!

I think some people are probably coordinated enough to do it but not I!

Not a regular post

Yesterday at the Gyn clinic I experienced the saddest thing I have yet on rotations. A friend of mine always said to not run away from sadness but just to walk into it and embrace it because it is a feeling to. Since it is a part of healthcare and life I thought I would write about it even though I do not think of myself as someone who likes to say things that are sad. My instinct is to jet.

The visit started out good. Measuring the fundal height (the height of the uterus, a hint at gestational age). I listened to the heart and lungs. We did the pap smear and went to sono. I am standing over my Dr.'s shoulder looking at the screen and the mom is situated looking at a huge plasma screen projection (the facilities are so nice). We located the uterus, the gestational sac. By located I mean I saw this on the screen. There is never any narration till the end of the sono (at least in my experience with this Dr. (i have seen others that do narrate)). We locate the less than 10 week fetus/gummybear. I knew something was wrong when the Dr. turned on the Doppler (an instrument used measure the flow of blood flow through vessels.) The Dr. was confirming what he already knew.

I must break away here and say that the number of miscarriages is in the highest sites in the literature about fifty percent with alot of them happening within the first 4 wks before someone even knows they are pregnant. It is a way more common thing than I think lay people realize.

The Dr. solemnly proceeded to tell the new mom that there was no heart beat and that the pregnancy would not progress any further. He now narrated slowly and quietly what he saw on the Doppler and the sono screen. As the tears rolled down the silent mom's face, I thought of my mom and several friends of mine who have had some Dr. give them this same news probably in the exact same way. I thought of myself someday full of hope and excitement sitting in the sono chair and I, with all my might, held the tears back from falling down my cheeks.

New life is such a miracle. All the things that have to be perfectly orchestrated that sometimes we take for granted for a baby to be born healthy.
I hesitantly post this my intention is not to make your day sad.

Goodbye Labor and Delivery!

Well I have to post a lil blurb about finishing my OB rotation.

Looking back to my last post

"What I hope to do: cervical exams, catch a baby, use more spanish, tie a knot!"

I did get to catch several (4) babies, learn how to do cervical exams, use more spanish and I got to suture up a laceration and tie a two handed knot!

4/4 not a bad record.

I think the thing I learned most from my first rotation was the importance of taking a good history ie. listening to the pt and asking enough questions. You hear that if you spend enough time with the patient they will tell you what they have. I found it very hard but the one time I did do this with a patient it proved true.

This came after several blubbering awful attempts to get a history from a patient while I was in too big of a hurry, using vernacular that the patient did not understand and failing miserably at communicating with someone I spoke the same language as. (I won't bore you with the story but in short I spend 10 minutes with a patient asking any past illnesses, STDs.... before she told me in passing about her HIV status) You win some and you loose some.

Today I start Gyn - clinic hours! I am so happy. I start this afternoon so I will let you know how it goes!

Labor and Delivery

So my first week in OB is over. I get one day off a week so I am trying to enjoy it. Mr. thought it was tomorrow so he was going to get all this stuff done today so we could spend the day tomorrow together. The end result I am solo today :) but I kinda like it.

I am working at Parkland hospital where the most babies are born in the world. 1 in 24 texans and 1 in 250 new americans. We have mom's pushing in the hallways, when beds run out... (crazy).

so summary of the first week's thoughts:

the rotation is awesome. I feel so lucky to be able to watch, help with baby's being born everyday. But it is LONNNG hours. I don't know if I like the hospital dynamic as much as I thought I would.

Addison Montgomery is a superhero doctor because no one works emergently on Mothers and Babies. That is why you have OBGYN and Pediatrics (never thought about this). OBGYN's catch the baby and punt to Pediatrics. One of the scary intervals for me, I find myself holding my breath, is the time between that punt and when I hear the baby cry.

new skill - Knot tying. I have learned the two handed knot. Mr. (my eagle scout husband) calls it a lancet knot. I practice it all the time because I don't want to forget.

Looking forward to learning the one handed knot.

My verdict on the viability of Labor and Delivery as a post-PA school job option: I don't think so. It is cool to be able to say you helped 2 babies come into the world today, but it is hours of waiting and then seconds of terror. And the hours are so long.

What I have gotten to do/see: sew up a laceration, watch one vaginal delivery, 3 c-sections, watch and do ultrasounds, use some spanish

What I hope to do: cervical exams, catch a baby, use more spanish, tie a knot!

Pre-Rotation Jitters

After some self-reflection I have realized my way of dealing with stressful,overwhelming things is to focus the majority of my worry on one small distinct entity. With rotations looming what am I most concerned about at this point? Long schedule? looking like a fool? know the burning questions are when am I going to eat, and what. I am a Faires. It is a valid concern I think getting up at 3:00 a.m. when does one have breakfast and what about coffee. But no reasonable person would be worring about this when there are bigger fish to fry! I just thought my way of dealing with this new stressor was interesting.

Last Days of Summer Vaca.

I went on a tour of the Labor and Delivery dept. at Parkland yesterday. My favorite parts?

The scrub machine! and

The newborn nursery!

I am very excited though the schedule affords me only one day off for three weeks and grueling early mornings (4:30am) and long days. Mr. and I were talking and I realized last night that there will be some days where we will not even see each other because he will have night classes and I will be in bed when he comes home. It is hard and overwhelming to anticipate the next year of rotations.

But I am trying to put that aside for today and enjoy my last days with Mr. and of freedom. First on the agenda deciding what I am going to do today.

Top of the list is to Read this book!

I started it yesterday and it is awesome!

I married a Hoarder!

During my break one objective was to clean the house. That has not happened to the extent I would have liked but in an attempt to get back on track I seized a couple free moments we had last night to clear out Mr.'s fold out desk/bookcase.

Side note: I love getting a rise out of Mr. I can push his buttons and make him fly off the handle. Not angrily but I can make a normally monotone, mild mannered man become an arm flailing almost comical character. It makes me smile....

However, the attempt to clean out the drawers of T-shirts (The man has 30+) electric cords and computer accessories was met with... lets just say resistance? Some phrases I heard: "I need this." "I may use this one day." "We need to keep this box." "Let's just, put it in the attic." "I don't want to use this desk (in response to me saying I wanted to make the desk functional for him)"

I finally gave up. Surrendered to my husband with a laugh and the affirmation that yes I was put on this earth to make his life miserable!

It was a fun activity, and yes I did get some trash (Mr.'s treasures) thrown away, and yes I will go back in there today without him and throw even more away with the assurance that he will never remember he even had it in the first place!

Last night conversation:

Mr: What are you doing tomorrow just staying home?

Cynthia: Yea, I'm bored though.

Mr: Want to do something special tomorrow night? ... For our 3 mo Anniversary?

Cynthia: What? Anniversary? I forgot! (Before I could stop myself)

I have never yet remembered an Anniversary! But I'm glad Mr. remembers: Happy Day today!

Adventures of a housewife!

This morning I was taking a shower and all of the sudden I got this feeling that I was not alone in the house. Freaky feeling but I shook it off and continued my lather rinse and repeat. All of a sudden there is movement in the bathroom and I see through the glazed glass of the bathroom shower door a black figure. I hold my breath thinking all I have in here to 'protect myself' is my Venus Razor.'

Then a smile spreads across my face as I scan the door and realize the figure though dark is only about 5 inches tall. My sister and Bro-n-Law's dog is staying with us. Unlike our dogs who are afraid they are going to get a bath if they come on the tiled floor of the bathroom, I recall, this dog loves the bathroom. Haha. Kinsley got my blood pumping for nothing! The dog featured below is my Bath Time Intruder!

In other news

A new song that my sister introduced me to is Just the way you are by Bruno Mars. I love the positive message!

Also Movie Recommendation: We went to see Dinner For Shmucks last night. I thought it was hilarious if you like Steve Carrell and can stand those times on The Office that are so awkward they make you squirm it is a great Date Night Laugh.

Vacationing to a place that feels like home.

This morning I am sitting on the deck by the little pond/waterfall area at our Inn. It is so cute. We are in Fayetteville, where I lived post college. Staying at James at the Mill. It is beautiful.

When Mr. wakes up we will go to the Fayetteville Farmers market and this lil place called the Little Bread Company. This is my idea (besides Anna Maria) of heaven.

Yesterday we went and walked around my Alma Mater John Brown University. It was important for me to show Mr. that place. A part of my history and where I came from. These things are special when you are married to a man who has not known you since forever. You get to share your older self with him. That is really what this weekend is all about. Fayetteville was somewhere I lived another lifetime ago. This is where I spend one of the best/hardest years of my life. Post-college, post-a long relationship that I was in. Figuring out how to live on my own, and how to be single. As we were leaving Siloam, he said, "I wish I had known you then." Simple words that affirmed to me I married the right man (a feeling a feel quite often).

This morning as I sit during the time that I would normally study (early saturday while Mr. is asleep). I want a devotional book, my tour with Mr. around JBU only hit home to me how much more intimate my relationship with God was then. Things have changed now but I know that is simply because I have taken several steps back in an attempt to "get things done." If you have any recommendations about good devotional books (wife directed or otherwise), I would greatly appreciate it. (that request is really the point of this post, it just took a little round about introduction!)

Siesta = Fiesta

I get precious little time off during the 36 months of PA school (Officially the end of didactic year!). Tomorrow begins my two weeks of summer break before rotations. During the break these are my plans:

• Go to Fayetteville with the Hubby to show him the Farmer's Market, Willy D's, Dickson St, JBU, and secretly accomplish my plan of helping him fall in love with the place so we can move there!
• Catch up on my thank you note writing at a fun coffee shop downtown I have been meaning to try
• Shop! for new pants and shorts (I need pants that fit, I have been wearing my sis' pants because I haven't been shopping since I lost a lil weight)
• Read!
• visit my sis in her new Metropolis
• be a better wife and actually cook B/L/D for my Mr.
• Go to the Turbo Kick class at UTSW that I never get to attend Wed's at noon!
• Hopefully get to spend some time with friends that live here in the Metroplex that I have been too busy to connect with lately!

So excited!

:(

So I feel extra sensitive to criticism from Mr.'s family. Cousins and family members that I didn't know existed or that move 3-4 times a year who feel slighted because they have not met me or did not get an invitation to our wedding or reception. This is hard because I want to please and feel like I am setting out on the wrong foot with this family but it is not my fault. I just have to vent!!

Also, I feel like since I got married I have Martha Stewart syndrome. I just feel like I have to play perfect. Something I learned long ago I couldn't do, or at least couldn't happily do. But for some reason being married has made me feel compelled to try to achieve perfection again... I hate it.

sad times today. :(

adjusting.

How's married life?

That has become the new salutation. So it has got me thinking....

People always offer the answer "not much different?"

But it actually has been. It has been so different being someone's wife. I am pretty independent, if I was to take a trip I go. If I want to but new shoes (in bone), I do. And now I feel the obligation to change. I inform Mr. that I am interested in going to so and so place and would he like to come. That I am buying some new shoes or should I save the money for the... future?

Different. Than I imagined. I guess I thought nothing would change but it is. I am assimilating into a new family and learning how to support Mr. and always think about what will be good for him.

A psych lecturer asked the question how do people learn to be Mothers, Wifes, ... etc. How to books sprang to my mind because I am an avid reader (i know it sounds dorky) of How to books. They are perfect for people like me who just need direction and instructions tell me how and I can do it. However, as I read articles and books I always think ... are they sure, what makes this person an expert. An article I read the other day was 10 things to do to avoid divorce. (in Real Simple) I was thinking just 10 things? are you sure your not missing some? I need a comprehensive guide. like the Harrison's of how to books. But I guess for now my answer is I will do the best I can.

"Mrs."

We are home and celebrating 6 days married. :)

William's Aunt Peggy asked me, "was it everything you imagined?" A pretty standard question but it caught me off guard. Thinking about it later I would have to say "No." I had scenarios in my head of how walking down the aisle was going to be and how looking at William for the first time was going to be and the Kiss. None of that was really 'like I imagined.' But there were unexpected, intensely special moments that I would have ever imagined as romantic and what would be the memorable parts of my wedding day. Like walking barefoot to the reception (unintentionally) and trying to hitch hike! (No one would pick us up!)

Will and I exchanged favorite parts of the day that night and he said seeing me walking down the aisle. I said, the two of us walking home from the reception: barefoot in the moonlight with our to go wine. I would have never imagined that would be my favorite part but like they say sometimes life isn't what you imagine it's better.

Married! 5 Days and counting!

I am so excited but we leave today (TODAY!) and I have so much to do! I am the Queen of lists so I will make my to do list on here.

Exercise

shower

finish packing

put together the chalkboard

wash the glassware and pack

paint nails

print welcome packet notes

there are probably more.... ahh

But I am so excited!

Do wap wo wap...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaPKZHpnAx4

I woke up with this in my head this morning. Lovely way to wake up!

Song picts for the wedding

I don't know the names of the ceremony songs but

"Song the bridesmaids and I will walk down the aisle to"

-Somewhere over the rainbow on Ukulele

"Song we will all walk out to after let's kiss the bride"

-The midnight hour (Wilson Pickett)

First Dance

-You are the best thing (Ray LaMountage)

We had to try out a couple of these but this was our fav Thanks Linda!

:) Love it!

It was like the Haunting plus catfish!

We went to the Catfish plantation. It is haunted. Like for real but we braved it because the catfish is darn good! check it out http://www.catfishplantation.com/paranormalindex.html

40 Days

40 Days until I get married... there are so many feelings. School, tests taking up time that I would rather be daydreaming about good times on the beach. The sad thought that there will only be one week off from school before I have to go back.

The happiness of being so close to seeing friends and family again. The joy of getting married to the man who is constantly making me smile.

Life is so much different than I would have ever planned. Its better. So for all your micromanagers and pessimists out there. just know sometimes things can be better than what you plan.

Wedding planning...

So I am getting married. I'm getting married. That is so weird and something I never thought I would say. I guess it really is true that until you meet the right person you never know. Well I think some people know and they have never met the right person. I used to be one of those people until I got jaded by the world of divorce, heartbreak, breakups, lost loves, but just know that you can be like me and not know and then you can know!

Well to be completely honest sometimes I go back and forth...still. It is like when you are in the dark and you forget ... you get scared and think no I can't do this... Forever is soo long. I forget the wonderful man that I have found and how his love has changed me. I literally let myself become paralyzed by fear.

But then I wake up next to him and realize he is my lobster.