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Friday, February 25, 2011

Reflections on Oprah...

Yesterday I was watching Oprah and David Arquette was on talking about his life and separation from Courtney Cox. It made me think about something. I remember the summer after I graduated college living in Fayetteville, Ar with roomie over the summer. Spending our summer working, drinking wine on tuesday nights, smoking and tanning in the swimming pool. It was a peaceful, simple, ridiculous summer but also one where I remember thinking and committing to myself that my twenties was a time of self improvement knowing and learning and discovering myself. Somewhere in the hustle and bustle of Graduate school and meeting a love of my life and finding myself a Mrs. I forgot about that commitment to myself.

What about me, what do I want, what makes me happy. It is easy to dismiss those thoughts as selfish and egotistical but think about it those are what we build life around. Deep wants and desires to be happy. But I literally woke up this morning wondering what is it that I want?

For so long I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be married (I think deep down, or maybe just to have someone beside me that would love me without condition). But now that I have that then what??

Why David Arquette, why did watching him send me into this self reflection. He was married to Courtney for 11 years. They have a six year old daughter. My parents were married 16 years. How could two people live in such close proximity to each other for so long but be mentally and emotionally growing apart? I think the answer is they let their marriage a passive process.

I have only been married a lil over 9 months and I can see how this happens. Life gets in the way. School, dogs, work, sleep, cleaning. Dinners become about eating. Being in rotations in PA school I feel like I am always getting through the rotation, just starting, back at the grind stone studying, or cramming for the test and then repeat. But really I need to rise above with a little of the peace and ridiculousness of the introspective twenty-one year old college grad. I need to realize there is something bigger than the monday to friday grind.

In my efforts to do this I am looking for materials books, activites, that Mr. and I can work through to facilitate self improvement and marriage improvement. Please reply if you have any helps!!


Lindsey said...

I will bring you this's called "Saving your Marriage before it Starts"

Plus...the hubs and I are still dating - which was always a goal of mine. We go on a real date once a week. I get ready without him being there and he "picks me up" and we go out just to talk and be together. Plus I make it a point to try not to act like a "wife" all the time.

Love you, can't wait to see you.

Cynthia Lee said...

I really admire how you and Evey are. Actually when I was having this discussion with Will he brought up the pretzel making that you and evey did. I think you guys are so healthy and so good at not making your marriage passive! you are an example to us